Jeff’s Retirement Report: Round 2

Jeff’s Retirement Report Round Two

The estimated read time for this post is about 6 minutes (requested by JB Penrose).

I am approaching one month of being retired and these are my latest musings.

I remain busy but have taken up a couple of new pastimes. On a trip to the Morehead Lowe’s with my father in law, on a spur of the moment whim I bought a pepper plant. A quick hop onto YouTube ended a few hours later down a Pepper growing rabbit hole. (Pro tip, follow the Pepper Geek channel on YouTube, he will tell you everything you need to know.) I now own multiple back porch pepper plants and will be harvesting my first peppers here in the next few days. I check on them daily monitoring their needs. Cathie makes fun of me but I suspect she will have no problem enjoying the bounty of my coming harvests.

Cathie has been upset with me for my second new retirement pastime, giving telemarketers a hard time. The other night I was switching over some internet service and the call agent asked me what kind of shows I liked to watch on television in the hopes of selling me a cable package. I politely told her that I did not watch television as it was against my religion. Cathie audibly gasped out loud and actually hit me but the call agent paused ever so briefly before getting back on script and stating “what would you say if I told you I could get you a special unprecedented deal that would last two years?” I told her “I would say you were doing the devil’s work and to get behind me Satan. You sit on a throne of lies.” She gave up at that point and processed the switch over.

I helped out at our church’s rebranded VBS recently. I assisted with the team doing lessons for three out of four nights. You teach one lesson three times in one night as the classes rotate in and out. It is a lot like herding feral cats as you have groups that either just came from arts/crafts and want to play with their newly crafted masterpiece or they just came from recreation and are sweaty and cranky from being hot.

There used to be a show segment called Kids Say the Darndest Things and VBS would be a prime source of material if that show were on the air again. Parents, you really should prep your kids on what they should and should not say during prayer request time. If you don’t want little Johnny adding grandma’s hemorrhoids, Uncle Mark’s DUI, or Aunty Josie’s divorce because she slept with her boss to the prayer list then you better specifically tell them not to mention it.

The adults working VBS were referred to as helpers one night. As the only male in the lesson room, I got to accompany any boys who needed to go to the restroom during class. One young boy needed to blow his nose, so we excused ourselves to do so and wash our hands. As I was assisting him, he says so are you the bathroom helper? I said, yes I am. I am the bathroom attendant tonight. He responds cool and proceeds to enter the stall, latch the door, and blows his nose. He then starts talking to himself, saying “It’s a mystery alright. Trying to grow seeds on rocky ground. Anyone who has ever grown anything knows not to plant seeds on rocky ground. Who are these people?” At least he was listening to the lesson.

I may have also worked a quote from the movie Blazing Saddles into the lesson skit one night, a feat of which I am both proud and ashamed.

As I reported in my last musings, I recently had a week of medical appointments scheduled which while not fun I am hopeful will give me material to discuss at the next company retiree’s lunch meeting. I am happy to report that cardiology, neurology, and dental appointments all went well.

My first medical visit was for an echocardiogram. I’ve had a heart murmur since birth and get it checked every few years. I’m pretty sure the tech violated her echo tech oath by mentioning that my murmur might be closed. For years I have asked them questions and they always say I’m not allowed to say even after trying to warm them up with a few jokes. I hope she doesn’t get in trouble as she actually had a warmer for the gel which I believe I am still trying to get off. Chest hair and ultrasound gel are not a good combination.

I took my father-in-law to his neurology appointment in Morehead. He received a good report and we saw a very nice nurse practitioner. Afterwards, we tried out the new Cattleman’s Steakhouse in Morehead. It may be the coldest I have ever been in a restaurant. The AC was set to Meat Locker apparently and the staff were all wearing coats which should have been a sign for us when we walked in.

My dental appointment went without incident thankfully. I have to go back for some dental work which I am actually looking forward to as I need to know how some of the stories the staff were telling turn out.

In my spare time I have also started experimenting with Artificial Intelligence programs. They are pretty fascinating thus far. It is actually pretty amazing and somewhat scary how they can automate some processes. I’ve asked AI to write letters for me, write articles, and create test questions with good results. I’ve also had some questionable results with requests like write a country and western song about the dangers of a peanut butter allergy. I will leave you with that tune. I also have AI compositions of a honky tonk song about global warming. Rocky Top as a rap song or as a sad song, and a movie outline for a cat who become King of England called Feline Majesty.

Verse 1: I was raised on the farm, where peanuts grew tall But little did I know, the dangers of them all I spread it on my bread, and ate it by the spoon But now I know the truth, it’s a dangerous tune

Chorus: Peanut butter, oh peanut butter It’s a tasty treat, but watch out for the butter It can be deadly, for some folks you see So be careful when you’re spreadin’ that PB

Verse 2: I met a man in town, who had a peanut allergy He couldn’t eat it, or he’d be in emergency I never knew the risk, until it hit so close Now I make sure, to always check the label, I suppose

Chorus: Peanut butter, oh peanut butter It’s a tasty treat, but watch out for the butter It can be deadly, for some folks you see So be careful when you’re spreadin’ that PB

Bridge: It’s in candy bars, and in baking too It’s in ice cream, and in sauces too So always be aware, and read the labels right To make sure you’re safe, and sleep well at night

Chorus: Peanut butter, oh peanut butter It’s a tasty treat, but watch out for the butter It can be deadly, for some folks you see So be careful when you’re spreadin’ that PB

Outro: So let’s raise a glass, to the peanuts on the vine But let’s be cautious, and make sure we’re safe all the time

July 29, 2023