Retiree Report: Lot Adventures

Retiree Report: Lot Adventures

Cathie’s mom used to say when something notable happened (typically something negative) that things happened in multiples of threes.  I guess you see what you look for but as a family we have had three unfortunate events over the last couple of weeks.  Surprisingly, each of these three unfortunate events has involved a “lot” of sorts (a tow lot and two parking lots).

Two weeks ago, Cathie and I received one of those calls that all parents dread that makes your heart go into your throat for a moment.  Our youngest son called and told us that he had been in a wreck on New Circle Road in Lexington KY.  He went on to share that his car was not drivable.  The impact of that statement soon came into clear focus when he sent us a photo of his car which had the front bumper and grill rearranged and pushed up towards his windshield.  Fortunately, nobody was hurt and if you must hit someone, he must have hit the nicest lady in Lexington.  It sounds like she mothered him a little bit and let him sit in her car and chatted him up while they waited for the police and tow truck.  Apparently, she is loaded as well as her family owns a substantial stud farm in Fayette County.       

We began working with a claims representative who arranged to have the car towed to a tow lot in Lexington, KY.  This is where our first adventure begins.  After making arrangements for a rental car in Lexington, we head to the tow lot to get belongings out of the car as we are sure that the vehicle will be total loss.  We arrive in an industrial looking area and see a small portable trailer guarding a fenced in lot that has a large gate looks a lot like the gates you see them drive you through when you go to prison.  This lot and gate are guarded by two men of Hispanic origin called Luis and Mario, who will both figure prominently later in our story.

I walk into the portable trailer and immediately know that some things have gone down in this trailer.  The staff are behind bullet proof glass that has apparently been shot at before and the two benches in the small area that functions as a lobby are bolted to the ground.  There is a man sitting on a bench trying to figure out how to call a cab to come and pick him up.  He is struggling as I can hear him and the person he is speaking to at the cab company, and they are apparently speaking two different languages.  As I wait my turn in line, he asks if I can help him get a cab, so I get on the phone and proceed to translate between the two men (The Lexington Cab Company should send me half of that fare or tip).

It is finally my turn at the bullet-riddled window where I am told all the rules that I must follow.  Only one person can go back into the lot at a time, it must be the person listed as the owner of the car, you must be escorted and supervised at all times, and you must have all of your paperwork in hand.  My paperwork was not in hand, so I had to be escorted to the car by the older of the two Hispanic gentleman, Mario.  Mario does not appear to speak much English and I momentarily debate calling the guy I spoke to at the cab company to see if he could understand Mario, but I didn’t want to press my luck. 

As fate would have it, the paperwork was not in the glove box.  I try to explain to Mario that the paperwork is not in the glove box.  I think he understands but then he takes me to the back of the car and points to the license plate and points to the tag which expires in a few days.  He gets his younger cohort, Luis, who gives it a go with me as well.  Luis looks like he could be in high school and is obviously the more energetic and talkative of the two lot attendants.  Luis and I look for the paperwork again, but we have no luck either.  We do however, find in the glove box some Black Ice Air Fresheners that you hang from your rear view mirror.  This excites Luis as apparently Air Fresheners are as good as currency in the mean rows of the tow lot.  He asks if he can have them and I say “Sure, why not?”  I go to grab a Yeti and sunglasses from the car and Luis says that he is not allowed to let me take anything from the car.  I remind Luis that I hooked him up with not only Air Fresheners but with Black Ice Air Fresheners.  He realizes the miscalculation on his part and allows me to take the Yeti and the sunglasses from the vehicle.       

We make the trek back to the trailer and I try to pass off last year’s registration as the required paperwork, but this lady has seen far sketchier people than the likes of me and quickly sees through my ruse.  So, I call the wonderful ladies at the Mason County Clerk’s office and they email the paperwork to the tow lot.  I now have access to the car, but my son is not allowed to go and get his stuff out of the car as his name is not on the paperwork.  So, after being radioed in as having permission to again enter the tow lot, I encounter young Luis again and I ask him if I can pull my car into the lot rather than carry stuff back and forth through the gate.  He informs me that this is not allowed but that they have an escort car (which oddly enough is an old Ford Escort that they are seemingly holding together with willpower and Luis’ youthful enthusiasm).  As I settled into the car, I noticed that young Luis had hung the Black Ice Air Fresheners on the rear view mirror. I jokingly tell Luis that the car smells nice and he tells me that they were excited to get them as there are some pretty revolting things that people get out of their cars that they have to transport in the escort vehicle. 

I spent the next few minutes sorting through belongings in my son’s car which I apparently was not doing fast enough as Luis pitches in and starts helping.  After getting all the belongings out of the car, Luis and I worked our way back out of the tow lot and through the prison like security gates and pulled up to our van.  Luis, my son, and I quickly unloaded the contents of the trunk of a Ford Escort into the back of our van.  As I shut the back door of the van and fist bump Luis, I glanced out towards the main street and saw the guy I helped arrange a cab gesture a wave of thanks as he got into a taxi.

I gather my thoughts for a second and go back into the trailer to settle up with the warden.  I walk in and quickly realize that I have walked into a confrontational situation that is going to be entertaining but hopefully not dangerous.  Standing in front of the bullet riddled window are what I quickly surmise are college students who are not used to being told no.  The lady behind the window is unfazed as they tell her who they are, who their parents are, how rich they are, what they are going to do, and what their lawyers are going to do.  This lady is behind glass that has bullet holes in it.  Two college students who just rolled out of bed in the last hour after a night of partying and getting their car towed are not going to scare this lady.  Their threats and ultimatums go on for about another five minutes before they realize they are not getting anywhere with her, and they decide to leave.  I take my spot at the window, thank her for her time and get out there as quickly as I can. 

Our second of three misfortunes took place in a parking lot.  Last Saturday, Cathie was helping set up an information table for her job at a local Cruise In event.  She was carrying a box of promotional frisbees and she twisted her ankle on a rock which resulted in Cathie and frisbees going down.  I was not there but I am told that she got some good distance on some of the frisbees.  I think she was holding back on me when we played disc golf a couple of years ago.  After much prompting and prodding, she relented and went to the local ER but stubbornly insisted on driving herself there.  I drove and met her there where we learned that she has an avulsion fracture of her left ankle.  Sadly, this was her remaining good ankle as she broke her other ankle a few years ago. 

We followed up with her family doctor and an orthopedic surgeon a couple of days later and they confirmed the initial diagnosis.  When they started talking about a boot, I proudly pulled out the boot I found in our basement from our last broken ankle.  I think this embarrassed Cathie, but the nurse said that our boot was the exact same boot she was going to give us, so we just saved some money.  If you see Cathie in this boot, please do not under any circumstances tell her that I found a big old spider in the boot which I had to kill and clean out of the boot.   

Our final misfortune involved our oldest son and a ball stadium parking lot.  We were going to meet him for dinner in northern Kentucky, but he called and said he had a flat tire when he went out to his car and he didn’t have a functioning spare tire.  So, we drove to him and helped arrange a tow of his car.  At one point, I started shaking mildly as I began to ponder the thought of having to visit another tow lot but thankfully, we had the car towed to a tire shop close to his apartment.  As we waited on the tow truck, we all sat in our van outside the stadium.  I asked him if it was okay if we parked here as it was marked off with yellow paint.  Our son said it was fine to park there but that we could be in danger of a foul ball.  Not two minutes later, there is a loud thud at the door where Cathie is sitting.  She screams out trying to figure out from where and why we are being attacked.  Our son immediately says “foul ball”.  I get out, grab the ball, and inspect the van door.  At the very bottom of the door, you can see a small imprint of a ball if you look hard enough.  I moved the van and we proceeded to watch three more balls be fouled to that same area where we were parked.  I ended up with two foul balls out of the deal.  Some people came out looking for the balls but I was not giving up the balls after our van was hit.     

According to Cathie’s mom, we have run through our run of three things now.  If you take anything from my latest adventures, keep in mind that Black Ice Air Fresheners are like gold in the tow lot world, don’t mess with people who tow cars for a living, Cathie is not allowed to carry things for you, hold onto your walking boots and crutches, and don’t park your car right outside of ball stadiums when a game is ongoing.