It’s been a little while since I did a retiree update, so I figured it was time to update everyone on my continuing retiree adventures.
I have rejoined the workforce in a limited capacity. In January, I began serving as a consulting psychologist with my former employer. I’ve had a few people ask me why return to work after retiring or why retire at age 53. The short answer is that I was eligible to retire with a state pension and I was concerned that depending upon the outcome of the KY gubernatorial election there might be efforts at changing pension eligibility. So, I got on the other side of retirement when I was eligible before they could change the rules. Who knows what the future will hold but for now circumstances are such that I currently belong to both the retiree class and the proletariat. In addition to clinical consulting, I am also exploring some teaching opportunities and have started blogging https://certifiable.blog
When people ask me about being retired or what it is like, I typically say something along the lines that I highly recommend it if you are fortunate enough to have the opportunity. My goals for retirement are pretty simple: to have better problems, to be a good traveler, and to be a little less wrong each day.
Retirement is not without problems but in general, the problems are of a better class.
There is a quote by Lao Tzu that says, “A good traveler has no fixed plans and is not intent on arriving”. In retirement, I am trying to focus on enjoying the journey and not getting so tied up or driven by timelines to reach a certain destination.
Mark Manson says this about being less wrong: “Therefore, from a perspective of happiness/purpose, we should not seek to find the ultimate “right” answer for ourselves, but rather seek to chip away at the ways which we’re wrong today so that we’re a little less wrong tomorrow.”
Each year I set a reading goal and track it with the app Goodreads. This year I set a goal to read 15 books. I’m not sure what I was thinking as I nearly read that many books in January alone. I find that I read in spurts. I tend to read heavily for a month or two and then seemingly take a month or two break from reading. So far in retirement, my reading seems a little more consistent. After a breakneck pace in January, I am on a more leisurely pace to read about 4-5 books per month. In what I am sure is a recency effect, the three best books I have read so far this year are the three most recent books I have read: Chasing the Boogeyman (very clever take in thriller/horror genre); The Wood Between the Worlds (poetic reflections on the cross for Easter season), and Ministers of Propaganda: Truth, Power, and Ideology of the Religions Right (what it sounds like).
I am currently reading The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness. This book summarizes the findings to date of a longitudinal study being conducted at Harvard that began over 80 years ago. The study has been following several individuals and their families in an effort to track and study several different variables. Throughout their participation in the study, these individuals and their families have undergone multiple interviews, regular physical exams, blood work, DNA analysis, medical records reviews, psychological assessment, and multiple self-report measures. President Kennedy was even a member of the study before his passing.
The consistent finding that comes through again and again with respect to what makes for happiness, is the quality and consistency of close relationships. There are other findings that are in the mix as well but if you could only recommend one thing from their findings that would have the most benefit, it would be good, quality relationships.
My biggest retiree adventure unfortunately has been being exposed to the exciting world of Periodontics. One recent Sunday evening during dinner I noticed something crunchy in the bite that I had just taken (never a good sign when dinner did not involve anything crunchy). I calmly asked Cathie if I had lost a tooth and lo and behold I had (tooth number 10 as I have come to learn or for those of you who also don’t know your tooth numbers, one of my top lateral incisors). She gasped aloud and then tried to not act like it was a big deal, but the cat was out of the bag as she had already exclaimed, “Where is your tooth?”. I wish I knew but I’m pretty sure I swallowed a good part of it as I never found much of the missing tooth.
It took a couple of days to get into my local dentist, so I walked around with a very jagged remnant of tooth #10. Unfortunately, good ole number 10 could not be salvaged so my local dentist removed the sad remnant and suggested I see a Periodontist to discuss the brave new world of dental implants. This required a trip to Lexington for a “consultation”. I had no idea what I was in for, but by the end of it I felt like I had been the subject of a crime scene investigation. I was expecting the usual oral exam with a sampling of dental tools and implements, but I was not expecting videos, 35mm photography, mouth inserts that could double as torture devices, and having my head locked in place with physical restraints for what I am told was state of the art imaging so that they could custom design a faithful replica of good old #10.
I thought it was odd that there was a very fancy video camera and 35 mm digital camera in the exam room. I vaguely recall signing some sort of release for photos and videos but in my naivete thought this was only in the event I had a procedure that would be a textbook case so to speak. Little did I know that I would soon be embarking upon video and photographic documentation of my mouth that would make a porn star blush. We didn’t have this many photos taken at our wedding. Apparently, I was not able to open my mouth wide enough for good photos, so they brought out the “photographic aids”. They took it out of sterilized packaging, but I am confident they had just wrapped up some scrap metal that they had found by the dumpster out back and made bets on if some guy would be dumb enough to put this in his mouth if we tell him it will help us get a better picture of his teeth.
At this point, I was worn done and would have probably followed them anywhere. I dutifully followed them to what they called the imaging room but in reality, it was just a hallway with a very expensive imaging machine mounted to the wall. I was asked to sit in a chair and put my chin on a plate kind of like the eye doctor uses when he examines your eyes. I thought, I’ve done this, I’ve got this. It was at this point in time, the torture technician began locking my jaw into place. She said, “this may feel a little uncomfortable, but we don’t want you moving around, and this will help us get a clearer image”. Apparently, she also forgot that I am not 6 foot 2 and that my feet could not reach the ground with my head and jaw being locked into place. After about ten seconds of watching me try to support the weight of my body with just my head, she commented that she could grab the foot stool if I thought I needed it.
After surviving the imaging, I met with the doctor and the office manager about my customized treatment plan. It is hard to say what I agreed to, but I left with a follow up appointment for dental surgery in a few weeks. I got in my car to leave and realized that the customized treatment plan they gave me and that we reviewed did not actually have my name on it. I had Gary’s customized treatment plan. I wasn’t about to go back in but called later and informed them of their mistake. Thankfully, they were able to send my actual treatment plan without me having to go through more torture.
I was required to have a driver to and from my dental surgery appointment as they gave me something to help me “relax” prior to the surgery and I was under the influence of sedation and pain medication after the surgery. Nicholas was home visiting for a few days, so he rode along, I think mainly for the prospect of some entertainment. I don’t remember much about the surgery; I just recall that they covered my face with towels and that they were talking about movies when I nodded off. I woke up without incident and now am the proud owner of a bone graft and awaiting next steps. Cathie and Nicholas said I didn’t do too much in the way of embarrassing acts or comments while under the influence. Apparently, I was very impressed that they gave me a blanket during the surgery as this was reportedly one of the first things I told our son Zachary about my surgery. I also apparently had an emotional moment at dinner afterwards as one of the entrees I was considering came with the option of Buffalo Chicken and I had to explain, rather dramatically, that I didn’t like Buffalo Chicken. Cathie says that she patiently and calmly reassured me that I didn’t have to have it with Buffalo Chicken if that wasn’t what I wanted.
In less dramatic news, it is tax season, and this was the first year Cathie and I haven’t claimed at least one child on our taxes since the boys were born. That came with a little bit of a hit to us this year with the tax cuts from a few years ago now expiring, but it is exciting to realize that our boys are out on their own and filing taxes (I’m not sure they see it as thrilling as I do). They are smarter than I was at their age, but I remember getting my first paycheck and asking who FICA was and why he was taking my money. This was the first year they both were able to file taxes on their own, so I offered to help each of them with my limited knowledge of tax preparation and filing. I have been a loyal follower of the H&R Block school of tax preparation and filing for many years now. I would annually purchase the software version you could install on your computer and use at home. Then a few years ago I switched over to their online version. This year they even advertised being able to use Artificial Intelligence to analyze your taxes. I’m not ready to go there yet but they seem to do a fairly good job of making it dummy proof and have kept me from making ridiculous claims on my tax filings or getting audited.
Cathie and I are doing an ABC food challenge this year. Our goal is to eat at a new restaurant for each letter of the alphabet. We live in a small town and while it has some great establishments, we have eaten at almost all of them so this will require some travel on our part. Thankfully our children live in Lexington and NKY respectively so we will have plenty of options when we visit them. So far, we have knocked out A, B, L, S, and W (Agave & Rye, Bella Note, Luna Café, Slim Chickens, and Whiskey Bear).
Some random musing I have had this Spring include the following:
Imagine how confused the first person to receive a hug would have been. “What are you doing? Why are you pinning my arms to my side with your arms?” …. “Shh. Trust me. You are going to love this.”
How crazy did they think the guy was who came up with idea for toast. Upon being handed freshly baked bread, his response was “Cook it again.”
I’d like to shake the hand of the woman who after sitting down to eat pancakes thought, “You know what these pancakes need? Tree sap. John, go put a stake through that maple tree and bring me its sap. I’m going to put it on these pancakes.”
I’m confident the person who came up with the Easter traditions was stoned and when he came into work the next day was surprised that people took him seriously. I imagine it going something like this:
Boss: I want us to do something to capitalize on the Easter season. Something that we can market and generate new revenue streams.
John: Uh, what if we had a guy dressed in a bunny suit who passes out eggs?
Boss: A giant bunny walking around? What does that have to do with Easter? Won’t the giant bunny scare the kids?
John: We will call him Peter Rabbit and have him hop around and come down the bunny trail. Kids love people named Peter, and rabbits, and things that hop aren’t threatening.
Boss: That makes no sense at all and aren’t rabbits known for carrots, not eggs?
John: We will have kids paint the eggs but after they are done painting their eggs we will take them and hide them and then make them search for their eggs.
Boss. You are going to have kids walking around and picking up random eggs? What are they going to do with the eggs?
John: We will sell them baskets filled with fake grass and they will lay their eggs in the baskets. And then parents will fill those same baskets with candy on Easter morning.
Boss: Sigh, what the heck, let’s give it a try. See if we can get that composer we have on retainer to come up with a song about Peter Rabbit.
Happy Spring everyone!
certifiable 
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