Jeff’s Retiree Adventures – Thanksgiving 2023 Edition
It has been a bit since I did an update and several of you have asked when the next installment was coming. Well, here it is. Get ready as this could very well be my last. You will understand in a few minutes.
As you may recall, one of my many new hobbies as a retiree is checking out Goodwill for any discarded treasures. One of my favorite things to hunt for at Goodwill are classic t-shirts. Recently, while stopping by Cathie’s office and discussing and showing off some of my amazing finds, Cathie shifted from mocking me to wanting to know why she never got any t-shirts. Attached to this post, you will see some of my recent finds (as well as some I got for Cathie although I would argue it isn’t nearly as gratifying wearing a Goodwill find if you didn’t put in the hard work of sorting through the racks for apparel gold).
Speaking of t-shirts, Cathie got me a sweet shirt online that commemorates an infamous day in regional history. Anyone who lives in the tri-state area of KY-OH-IN is familiar with the First Annual WKRP Turkey Drop with Les Nessman that took place on November 22, 1978. For those of you who know the story, unfortunately this was the first and last Turkey Drop. Cathie found an original t-shirt from that day which I am proudly rocking. Picture attached to this post. I’ve also attached film footage from that day at the end of this post.
We will be hosting Cathie’s family on Sunday for Thanksgiving dinner. They are in for a treat as I have compiled a Thanksgiving mixtape for the day. Mixtapes are so much easier now days with things like Spotify. Kids today will never know the struggle of waiting hours for the song you were looking for to come on the radio so that you could record it and hoping the DJ would not talk over the beginning of the song. The finger dexterity you had to have to start and stop recordings for smooth transitions was reportedly incorporated by the military for training purposes.
Now to the story as to why this could very well by my last retiree update. I ventured out to Kroger this morning to grab a few things for Thanksgiving. It was crazy in there but I decided I was going to enjoy my outing and take in the sights and do some people watching. I was stationed in the produce section and noticed some lady wandering around and passing me several times as if she was looking for something. I had seen her and her husband come in and he did not look thrilled to be helping out with the shopping. I watched them bicker for a few moments, him seemingly telling her that whatever she was upset about was minor. I browse through a couple of more aisles and have a mortifying revelation as I was putting things in my cart. This was not my cart! This cart had a can of beans and a cucumber in it, neither of which I had selected for purchase. It was at this time that I figured out what that lady was looking for. She was looking for her cart which I had taken. At this point, I weighed several options: 1) abandoning my cart, leaving the store, moving, and assuming a new identity; 2) explaining to the lady that I had inadvertently taken her cart and apologizing; or 3) putting the cart back in the produce section and watching what happened next. I chose carnage and chaos.
I wish I had recorded all that transpired in the ensuing minutes after I returned the cart to the produce section. From a safe distance, I continued to watch this lady wander around (with produce in her hands) and for the life of her try to figure out what had happened to her cart. By this time, she had enlisted her husband to help her try and locate her cart. You could tell that he had said something to her like retrace your steps and that she was humoring him by walking back to where she thought she had left the cart. As she approaches a cart that she slowly recognizes to be her cart, the most confused look comes over her face and she just looks around as if trying to figure out if this is how a nervous breakdown starts. Her husband has this smug look on his face as if he has solved world hunger by offering the advice to retrace her steps. It was at this point that they seemed to be looking my way, so I booked it out of the produce section.
I am not proud of my actions today. I may not be allowed in Kroger ever again. I’m also pretty sure that they didn’t charge me for a case of water I had on the bottom of my cart. So, in addition to damaging a marriage and taking a lady’s sanity today, I likely stole water. When I walked out of the store, I was sure I had been busted as there was a cop sitting there at the crosswalk. He let me pass but it sure seemed like he eyed me for a long time.
I am currently at home debating my next steps. I think I am going to put on my WKRP Turkey Drop shirt, fire up my Thanksgiving mixtape, and break open this 36 pack of water. I’ve attached my playlist as well.
https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2ArXZbX3Oj6C28WhtRJiXi…
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